We Within

For years I've held this battle within myself in which two opposing forces threaten my peace of mind. I still catch myself some days, even now, wrestling with my emotions: I'll feel joyful, full of life, and then a part of me, the part of me that is still grieving my dog's loss, will pat me on the shoulder to remind me he's not here to share this joy, that I shouldn't be too happy, as if my unhappiness would somehow honour his death. Grief is strange. I feel something similar when I see cows grazing in the farms that surround my town. I always get excited when I see animals; I love observing them. But then, inevitably, I'll remember the cruel, unnecessary death that awaits them. How can I stay happy when I'm faced with the dark side of the world? How can I stay happy when I look at the amount of plastic trash all around me? How can I stay happy when the Amazon burns and the earth dries up and wars are still happening? How can I stay happy when I know our p...

Spring is coming. I feel it in my core, even if the sky is grey and a cold wind encourages me to hide under layers and stay home. Days are longer, trees are flowering, the sun quickly warms everything up when it peeks behind the clouds. My body is emerging from its slumber now that all the winter darkness is gone. And along with the darkness, my need to retreat, to slow down and isolate is quickly vanishing. What's replacing it is a sense of excitement. Spring makes me feel alive, rejuvenated after the slowness of winter. Suddenly, I find myself listening to music more and each chord makes my body vibrate. Nature feels more vibrant than ever. I find inspiration all around me. I want to read all the books, connect with people, do more, be more, give more. If spring was a life stage, it would be a child. It's a symbol of rebirth after all. I have a big vision for this spring. I have projects that want to see the light, dreams that want to come true. There's a voice in my he...

My younger self once believed someone would come and rescue me one day and we would live happily ever after. I was an avid reader and stories taught me to believe in happy endings. Even the most horrific tales I used to read (which happened to be my favourite) spoke of heroines navigating tragedy after tragedy until things got resolved at the end and their saviours' love made the heroines forget the pain they had left behind. To be fair, not all stories were like this, but back then I needed those stories. I needed hope. How many women can relate to this? The narrative has changed quite a bit since then, but generation after generation of women grew up believing a romantic relationship was the end-all. One only has to read a Jane Austen novel to realise it used to be a matter of life or death (and when I say death I mean a poverty-stricken life with a premature death). These things leave a mark. This was all happening on a subconscious level but its grip was powerful. You can imag...

Some of us start a new year with a sense of excitement. Calendars might be a simple human invention but there is definitely a powerful meaning attached to them. Whether you're the kind of person that makes resolutions or not, a new year feels like a fresh start. That's why so many people enter January with a vision, something we wish to see unfold for the next twelve months, some kind of improvement in our life. Perhaps you're determined to become healthier or you want to give momentum to your career or you've decided this is the year you're going to put yourself out there and find a meaningful relationship. But then February comes and that excited energy starts to wane.   How many times have you decided to change something in your life and form a new habit? And how many times did you stick to that decision? It happens to all of us. We start with the best intentions but the excitement inevitably falls apart... and we give up. Why, though? Well, it seems  it's th...