Doors Close Until the Right Door Opens

A month ago, I wrote about my impending move and all the challenges I've faced in the last nine months. I wrote about disappointment. I wrote about how little control we have over our own lives and how we simply must keep going even when everything seems to play against us.

Today, a month later... I'm writing about miracles.

As I type these words, a white butterfly flies around me. Sparrows and bees fill the silence. The grass is green, the sky is blue, the flowers are pink and purple and a lemon tree says hi behind the wall in front of me.

I'm sitting in a garden. I'm sitting in my garden. A stone house with a pink facade stands to my right. This is my new home. Just when I had given up. Just when I was looking for apartments because I couldn't find any houses. Just when everything seemed hopeless and impossible... This. This miracle. Three hours away from my previous home, further northwest than I'd ever been. This. Everything I wanted and more. 

Many things led me and my partner here. Apartments we said no to. Rental agencies that said no to us. A stranger who said yes to this house and then changed his mind. A beautiful family that said yes to us and made everything easy. Doors close and keep on closing until one opens. I guess there's always one door waiting for us.

The words from my previous post keep ringing in my ears. Just keep going. Keep going. Sometimes life disappoints and sometimes it gives you exactly what you want once you've let go. After so many difficulties, it feels like a gift. I keep asking myself if I'm dreaming, if all these good things can be true after months of struggle, if I even deserve them. How silly. How difficult it is for us humans to accept the good things that come to us, too scared to embrace them in case they disappear. 

Of course, we deserve the good things. We deserve to see our dreams come true. We deserve to enjoy life, me and you reading this, all of us. We endure the hardships and celebrate the joys. That's what life is about. 

This life change came with many goodbyes. Changes always force us to let go of things. Here's a short nostalgic piece I wrote somewhere else:

I went to say goodbye to these wetlands, one of the things I'll miss the most. I said goodbye to the calm water, the blooming trees, the swans, the egrets, the seagulls, the jumping fishes... So much life contained in this quiet place.

I said goodbye to the version of me who inhabited this place, the one that planted trees, created meditations, petted horses, filmed insects, swam in cold water, climbed 700 steps four times, found home in the forest.

I believe part of us lingers after we leave. It stays with the lives we touch. No need to carve our names on a tree or paint them on walls. Our essence remains long after we're gone, just like those places and those lives stay within us wherever we go.

A new chapter begins.

Here's to new chapters. Here's to letting go. Here's to the magic of life unfolding around us. It is scary to give up control. It is disappointing to make peace with the idea that our dreams might not come true. It is frustrating to knock on one door after another and not see them open. But sometimes... miracles happen.

Here's to miracles.

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